He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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