hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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