we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
