we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
