isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
