We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
