The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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