dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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