You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
