How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
