Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
