I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We have started to decorate penises.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
