I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
