And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
