I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
