I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
