apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am naked and annoyed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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