so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
