My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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