i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
