Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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