i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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