So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
