I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
