Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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