I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
