It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
