Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
