Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
