it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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