i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
