It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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