Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
