they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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