he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
