My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
