dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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