Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize