A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
