Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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