Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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