he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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