Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
