how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
