I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
