The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This baby is an asshole
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
