Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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