There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
