dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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