All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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