Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
