Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
