If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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