Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
