I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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