Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
