maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
