Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I faked an abortion last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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