meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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