so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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