our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
