Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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