No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
