Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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