He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
