uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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