It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize