I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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