I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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