Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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