fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.