I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Randomize
