well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i've created a new STD.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch