Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.

(1-620): View more from Kansas

No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.

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(620): Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night. (1-620): No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man. http://tfl.nu/p24k

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(240): View more from Maryland

Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.

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(240): Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates. http://tfl.nu/bvcb

Replies (17) Good night (3603) Bad night (625)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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(814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6

Replies (16) Good night (2963) Bad night (442)
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(330): View more from Ohio

She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zuj3

Replies (61) Good night (2073) Bad night (4314) Order T-Shirt
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(678): View more from Georgia

My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU

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(678): My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU http://tfl.nu/x7kk

Replies (76) Good night (6193) Bad night (751)
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(207): View more from Maine

i will never coherently bang her

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(207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8

Replies (6) Good night (679) Bad night (3039) Order T-Shirt
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(763): View more from Minnesota

i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

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(763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina http://tfl.nu/awuu

Replies (30) Good night (821) Bad night (7563) Order T-Shirt
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(732): View more from New Jersey

My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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(732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking

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(303): It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking http://tfl.nu/y5lt

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.

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(724): I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way. http://tfl.nu/vhtx

Replies (12) Good night (2028) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
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(209): View more from California

Show him your tits if he says no

(1-209): View more from California

They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

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(209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62

Replies (8) Good night (1954) Bad night (779)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.

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(615): A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning. http://tfl.nu/fh1x

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(831): View more from California

He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!

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(831): He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?! http://tfl.nu/h0ux

Replies (20) Good night (454) Bad night (1053)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.

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(319): I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks. http://tfl.nu/32c2

Replies (5) Good night (901) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt
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(941): View more from Florida

So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

(941): View more from Florida

I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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(941): So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar. (941): I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/b83h

Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (533)

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