Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.