i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
