Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
