He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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