I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
