Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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