Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
