I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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