A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
