Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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