so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
