Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You ruined the universe
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
