She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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