he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
