I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
