Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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