Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
