help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
