I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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