Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
